"Wuv, True Wuv".....

This is kind of hard for me to share, but I felt compelled to, after all I am among friends,  so here goes...

"More to love", "Pleasantly plump", "My squishy", these are all terms used to make those of us who are softer than others feel better about it and I've used them all over the years.  My whole life it seems I have been preoccupied with my weight. I was cursed with a less active metabolism and even as a I child I was self-concious about my appearance and never felt "good enough". We all have things we struggle with and this is one of mine. I lived with a lot of criticism growing up, not just for my appearance, and I started to believe it.  It was hard for my parents to give verbal encouragement or even say they loved me out loud and that didn't help. I knew deep down I was loved, but I'd have never made it through high school without good friends and my sisters:).

Even though I went through eventual changes that made me almost thin, (even though I never thought so at the time:), I rarely felt truly good about myself. I somehow produced a faux confidence (sometimes still do) and managed to let my "inner beauty" shine through enough to attract friendship and eventually love with the man of my dreams. I came across with a confidence and an air of "you're just lucky to have me", but I really knew I was the lucky one. 

The funny thing is, Steve is not much better at verbal appreciation than my parents were. Isn't it funny how we are drawn to those who are similar to our parents? (It's no wonder I love the validation I get from the comments I receive on my posts... then again, who doesn't?) Steve is wonderful at showing his love for me, he would much rather buy me something or take me on a trip than say it out loud.

What's great is, I've definitely come a long way to learning acceptance and love of self over the years and I'm bothered far less with how I look. That's the one thing that is great about getting older, being more comfortable in your own skin and caring less what others think. In spite of all that, I still have those days where I doubt my "worthiness", most likely due to hormones:). (I'm only sharing this info because it will help you understand why the following conversation made such an impact on me:).

So I was having one of those days and talking to my hubby on the phone.....

Me: "I don't know what's wrong with me, I just don't feel like myself lately"

Steve: "Who DO you feel like?" (he's a funny guy:)

Me: "You know what I mean, I'm just kind of down, and wonder if I'll ever feel good enough, just the way I am. You know, accept that I may never get any better than this!"

Steve: "What's wrong with "this"! I'm good with "this".

Me: "I know YOU are and I appreciate it, believe me, I just wish I was "naturally thin"! (I ran into someone he dated the other day who's one of THOSE lucky women:). "After all you could have married "so and so" or "so and so".... then you'd have a wife who'd still be thin!"

Steve: "I didn't fall in love with them, I fell in love with you!"

Me: (tears rolling down my face:)..."I'm still not sure why, but I'm so glad you did."

I know it doesn't seem like much, but it meant the WORLD to me! One thing about loving someone who doesn't say things like that out loud very often is, that when they DO say something, it has a huge impact! Can I just say that we ALL need to "hear it" once in a while, no matter who we are or how many people we have in our lives who love us. For me, this was one of those times and I only share this to show....we all have those less than ideal moments and if we didn't, we would never feel the joy when it comes.

I know I'm lucky (and GRATEFUL) to be surrounded by a family who loves me unconditionally, no matter what my flaws, and believe me I am WAY aware there are MANY more flaws than just my SIZE! (I only hope I am better at saying the good stuff out loud to my kids than my parents were.)

The key to all of this stuff is SELF-ACCEPTANCE. I've been working on that for years and I'm still not all the way there (obviously)! I guess this journey of acceptance is a long one. And although I haven't reached the destination, I'm much closer than I once was and I am trying to enjoy the journey.

The important thing to remember is: WE ARE ALL LOVED, even if we think no one could possibly love us THAT unconditionally. We need to remember... there is always ONE who looketh on the heart and loves us no matter what.

I'm so grateful for those who see my heart and not just my flaws. And I'm grateful for a sweetheart who loves me just the way I am:).

"True Love"

P.S. This is a pic of the anniversary card I gave Steve last year. It just reminded me of us...cuz we love movies and he always looks serious and I'm the one with the big dumb grin:).